how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
