she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
