my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
