No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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