haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
