I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
