No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
