the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
