Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
