Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
