i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
