I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
