I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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