Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
