Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
