Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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