It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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