Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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