So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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