out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need moral support for this bender
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
