Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
