Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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