If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bring money and cleavage
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
