I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
