i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
