I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
