Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
