God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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