Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
