No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
