never play flip cup with pint glasses
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
