This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
