I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
