did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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