wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
