Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
