Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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