but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
