He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
