I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize