He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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