When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
