dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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