I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
