if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
