The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize