you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
