dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
