its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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