this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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