Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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