Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
