i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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