My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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