So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize