I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.