pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?