He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it