WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The power of my boobs compel you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
