worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
