I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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