fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize