he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
