Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
