So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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