bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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