If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
