every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
