Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
