Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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