Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
