people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
