you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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