overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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