but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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