So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
