Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my poor anus
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
