Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
