good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
