Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
