My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
