I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
