don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
