i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize