Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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