I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
