even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
